What if?
by Twilight4ever'96
Summary: If Jacob wasn't there for Bella when Edward left, what could've happened to Bella? And would Edward ever have come back anyways? Self Injury and Language.


I do NOT own any of the Twilight characters!!!

_Author's note- So we all know that in New Moon, Edward leaves, and Bella goes into a state of deep depression, and is saved by her good friend, Jacob Black. But what if Jacob wasn't there? Would Bella's depression have gotten worse? Of course! Jacob is in this story, but later on, and I'm not planning on bringing Edward back anytime soon. So I hope you enjoy this story as much as I enjoy writing for you guys. And I decided to make Bella a little younger so she wouldn't feel out of place. Bella is 15. Here it goes!_

I sat completely still in the dark silence as the tears fell down my cheeks. My life had ended months ago…what was the point in living? Nothing to do…no where to go…and no one to be with. I clutched at my chest as the gaping hole was ripping wide open.

I couldn't bear it. It hurt. It hurt to think of _him_, it hurt to dream of him…it hurt to live. I didn't try to sleep anymore. There was no point in that either. I knew the nightmares would come back if I tried. I blew my nose and tried to dab some of the wetness off my cheeks.

I searched in my mind, trying to find something to take care of the pain. I could use drugs. I could use alcohol. But those were both illegal. I was only 15, and seeing as my father was chief of police, I was bound to get caught.

I thought harder. I would do anything to be rid of the pain, even if it was only for a few hours. I'd seen all sorts of movies with depressed teenage girls in them. They'd turned to drugs, alcohol, eating disorders…All those things were too noticeable.

I recalled a movie I'd seen with Renee, a movie tilled "Callie" about a 15 year old girl who was taken to a treatment facility for cutting herself. That wasn't too noticeable. I could hide it. I knew I could. Unless Charlie suspected something and I was forced to lie, I could do it.

I looked at the clock. It was 6:00 a.m. Charlie would be asleep for another hour. I stood up slowly, my legs feeling like Jell-o, and made my way to the door. I opened it, and it squeaked loudly. Charlie continued to snore. I tiptoed my way down the stairs, praying I wouldn't trip and wake him up.

I walked into the kitchen and slowly pulled one of the cabinets open. I searched, pushing and pulling things aside, until I found what I was looking for. I held it up. My father's pocket knife, the one Jacob and Billy had given him last year.

Jacob…where had he gone? I'd seen him twice; the 1st time when I had went to the beach last year, and the second time at some BBQ. Charlie had never said anything about them moving away. Maybe Jacob just didn't want to talk to some crazy psycho like me.

I pushed that thought aside, pulling the blade free from inside the knife. I touched the edge of it. It was sharp and jagged. I grinned. Not a happy grin, but an evil sort of grin. I held the blade so that it was touching the skin on my wrist, but just barely. Then, with more force this time, I shoved the blade into my arm and dragged it sideways.

I didn't feel any pain, just a faint numbness, and then relief. I sighed. The blood oozed out of my arm, and the relief was greater. Strangely enough, I didn't feel any nausea. Just relief.

I dropped the knife, and then went to go wash the blood off of my arm, until I heard someone gasp. I turned around only to see Charlie standing there, mouth hanging open, dumbfounded. My mouth dropped open as well. A single drop of blood hit the floor.

"Bella, I…" He shook his head. His face was red and there were tears in his eyes. "I didn't know it was this bad, I…" I looked down, putting my hand over my wrist. "Look, we have to get you some help. Bella, you can't…No! No! No!" He yelled.

The tears were still streaming down my face. "Dad, I didn't want to do this! But I had to! I mean, I could've turned to drugs or alcohol or something, but I didn't! I love you, and I don't want to get addicted to something like that! And I don't need help!" I yelled.

"Yes you do! For God's sake, Bella! Look what you've done to yourself! And just so you know, cutting IS addictive! Just as addictive as any substance! I'm calling someone!" He screamed, going for the phone.

I screamed in outrage. "No! No! I won't let you! I'm not going anywhere! I don't need to help! You can go to hell! Screw off! I don't need to go anywhere! No! No!" I screamed. I ran upstairs, locked my door, and started to rampage through my room. I grabbed my CD's and broke them up. I threw my desktop lamp into my computer screen, and then I lay down on my bed, and I cried.

About an hour later, it was if I was in that movie, the one about the girl in the institution. Two big men in white came in and tried to talk me into coming with them. They told me they were here to help me and that they didn't want to hurt me.

I backed into the corner and screamed at them. I told them I wouldn't go and I didn't need help. One of them had some sort of shot in his hand. Great. So they were going to tranquilize me. The biggest man came up and grabbed my shoulder. I tried to fight, but it was no use. They stuck the needle in my arm, and I went numb.

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I'm going to be mean and end it there. Ha ha! This means you HAVE to review and read the next chapter to find out what happens. So what did you think? And I just want you all to know am going to be very stubborn with reviews on this story. I'm talking LOTS of reviews. So REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! Or the story begins and ends right there! Ok! Thank you so much! .Twilight.

~!Jacquie!~


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